A Sure Fire Way to See Beyond the Muck

If you are like I am, you can get into places where all you can see is the muck, the difficulties, the things that aren’t working. Believe me, I know how easy it is to get there and stay there when your child is having academic or behavioral challenges. Or, let’s be real, when s/he is truly testing your stamina and ability to remember how much you love them!  And, it might all be true – all those things you are thinking about, might not be working, they might be really scary and upsetting. How then do you see beyond that and get out of the muck, when it is true? Isn’t it better to acknowledge what is so?

Just like when we are driving, we go where we are focused. What I mean is, when you are driving and look at the right side of the road long enough the car starts veering to the right. We head in the direction of our focus. If we don’t do something different we cannot create change in the areas we don’t like the most, we just drive off the road.

So, if we are focused on what is not working, we get more of what is not working. So, how do we switch it without betraying ourselves?

STOP, that’s right, Stop, and find 3 things you are grateful for and name them out loud or write them down. If you can think of three things you appreciate about whatever is the source of your greatest worry, all the better. But, just 3 things, start there. If you can’t think of 3, start with 1.

For example, if my child isn’t giving me any space, she is whining and has velcroed herself to me. I am at wit’s end as it has been going on for days, I have no time to myself, and I desperately need it. Okay, Stop – I am grateful she loves me and I love her. I am grateful that I have the creativity and ingenuity to come up with things for her or us to do so she can learn and grow. And, I am grateful she goes to bed at 8 so I can take a bath all by myself, no matter what else needs to be done.

As you focus on the appreciations, the edge comes off the frustrations and it is easier to move forward with a more positive attitude. You have a better chance at dealing with the situation creatively and productively, finding solutions and help, and maintaining balance for you and, in turn, for your child.

There is a catch — You just have to do one small thing – give up being in your own upset and annoyance and fear. Sometimes that is easy, others, not so much.

But, even when I have been righteously hanging on to my position; when I finally let go, it is well worth it to breathe easier and see and feel clearly, beyond the muck.

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